I was thrilled while at the same time apprehensive.
I was tentative, not quite believing that it could really be true. I wondered if I had what it takes to be a good mother- wait, I soon realized, “I already am a mother”. The reality of a positive pregnancy test result catapulted me immediately into the role of mother. Wow! This truth drastically changed my perspective. I didn’t have to wait until my baby was born to find out what kind of a mother I would be.
I could evaluate what kind of mother I wanted to be right now, in the present tense.
I began some serious introspection that day. News of such a profound nature tends to make me think deeply about this thing we call life.
“Who am I? ” I wondered.
I was already recognized as a daughter, sister, grand daughter, cousin, wife, and friend, but now I added to this growing list the role of mother-mother of a child not yet known to me, but known intimately by God. This reflection and knowledge told me so much about both my baby and myself.
“Known to God”
This implies something intimate, loved, relational, planned, (even if the pregnancy was a surprise to me). This told me that if my baby was known to God, then that meant God knew who the mother of this baby would be, me. My fears, doubts, and anxiety about my pregnancy and motherhood melted away safely in the hands of the One who chose me to be my baby’s mother.
This didn’t mean the wide range of emotions I experienced with the news of my pregnancy vanished; blame this on the surge of hormones coursing through my newly pregnant body, but what it did give me was the freedom to think of myself as a mother- chosen by God and my baby, as a cherished life planned before the foundations of the world.